By Sandy Rayman MA, LPCC
Learning that your child is transgender or gender non-conforming can be difficult to process as a parent.
You might worry for their future, about their health, or about discrimination they may face out in the world. You may feel unequipped to help them navigate the difficulties that lie ahead, especially if you can’t relate to what they’re feeling.
There’s no arguing that being transgender is a challenging path to walk. And yet, your child had the courage to tell you how they feel and is striving to be their authentic self. You may wish you could clear the obstacles or carve their path in the world. It’s painful to watch your child struggle and not know how to help.
Know that you, and your child, are not alone in this.
In the 13-17 year age group, there are 150,000 kids that identify as transgender in the United states, and 1.4 million adults. While the recent awareness around transgender identity has resulted in an uptick in anti-trans legislation, especially aimed towards youth, it has also allowed children and teens to find the words to speak their truth, and to know that they are not alone. They are not wrong.
They are claiming the right to live proudly as themselves, a right that their LGBTQIA elders have fought hard for. There is some hateful pushback, as there is with any social progress. But it cannot stop these brave young people from taking command of their lives and demanding the respect, self-determination, freedom, and love that we all deserve as human beings.
Unfortunately, being trans or gender-nonconforming can be hard to handle on your own.
This isn’t because trans people are inherently mentally ill -- it is a result of the treatment they face in society. Things that are simple for cisgender folks, like changing in a locker room or stopping in a public restroom, can cause trans people intense fear and anxiety, because they never know how they’ll be treated in a highly gendered space. This fear can develop into anxiety, panic attacks, depressive symptoms, and a feeling of deep loneliness. Gender dysphoria -- the painful experience of having your anatomy not match your identity -- can also be extremely challenging, especially once puberty begins.
But they don’t have to handle it all by themselves.
Seeing a therapist can help trans youth build the skills they need to not only survive in the world, but to thrive. I provide trans clients with a safe, accepting environment to explore their challenges with someone who has walked that path themself.
Not only am I passionate about improving the lives of trans people everywhere, I have also had to practice these skills for my own survival. I know the hurt they carry and I am devoted to helping them find their strengths so that they can love themselves fiercely and cope with life’s challenges as they come.
While my techniques are tailor-made for the individual in front of me, they all stem from the sum of my learning, both as a clinician and as a gender-nonconforming human being trying to make their way in the world. Breathing and meditative techniques help my clients regain control of their nervous system and manage anxiety.
Through compassionate self-exploration and paying close, non-judgemental attention to thought and emotional patterns, we work together to build a caring, nurturing internal voice.
They become their biggest ally, not their biggest critic. Exploring identity and emotions through artistic expression allows us to find new insights, to release emotional build-up, and develop a sense of self that is holistic rather than problem-focused. And through it all, they are uplifted, supported, and encouraged to build the person they want to be.
Anxiety is normal when your child is discovering their gender identity. I am here to provide support. To learn more about me, visit my provider page here. Feel free to contact the office for a free 20-minute consultation. I offer telehealth sessions to kids 12+ located anywhere in the state of Colorado.
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