When you see your loved one suffering from PTSD, all you want to do is help.
When the person you knew and loved is lost somewhere beneath the pain, fear, and memories, you want to find a way to rescue him or her. Whether your loved one is struggling to cope with the after-effects of a traumatic accident, a violent act, a military experience, a natural disaster or other disturbing life events, the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder can do real, lasting damage if she waits too long to seek professional treatment. So, take a deep breath and take the following steps for helping a loved one suffering from PTSD:
1. Be present, not pushy.
Make sure your loved one knows that you are available and willing to hear his or her trauma story. Call and reassure your friend that whether or not he’s ready to share, you’ll be there, at his side. Make it clear that your love is not conditional. Reach out, but don’t press it. Just be the friend your loved one finds when he can finally look beyond the PTSD.
2. Offer support without expectations.
Offer hugs, hold her hand, call, bring a meal. But don’t take it personally if your loved one doesn’t even offer a thanks. It’s not you; it’s the PTSD. Your loved one simply may not have the strength to thank you, look at you, anything you. But don’t give up; keep trying. Underneath it all, your loved one still loves you.
3. Listen; don’t judge.
This is not easy. Listening to trauma talk is scary and heartbreaking. It’s like listening to a nightmare come true. A nightmare that keeps coming true over and over in the mind of your friend. Validate his horror and sorrow honestly. But avoid saying, “I know how you feel.
”Remember: Your friend doesn’t need you to say that the nightmare “isn’t so bad.” It is. Your friend doesn’t need you to provide advice for getting over it. She can’t. Your friend doesn’t need to know what you think about how she’s handling the fear. The fear is too overwhelming.If you need to take a break from the intensity of it all, its okay. Let your loved one know that you heard his story and agree that it is hard to take.
4. Maintain boundaries.
Don’t permit your loved one to be a bully. Your loved one needs your support. Not your capitulation or your co-dependence. Do not submit to abuse. Do not feel guilty for needing a break. You help a loved one suffering from PTSD without endangering yourself or losing yourself in her pain.
5. Encourage action or take action…
Your loved one’s life depends upon it. Your loved one needs you to encourage him to seek help. Let him know that therapy is vital. PTSD rarely resolves itself. Be willing to help your friend or family member find the proper resources. Encourage him to follow through with the recommended treatment. If you sense that self-harm or suicide is a concern, take action immediately. Don’t leave her alone. Seek help from a professional as soon as possible.
6. Take care of you.
To be the most help to your loved one, you need to meet your own physical and emotional needs. Make room for your own life and interests. Spend time strengthening your own relationships and support. Come what may, remember that even though you aren’t the cure, your loved one needs you. And though the way is difficult, he or she is lucky to have you there to love him or her through the pain.
If you would like some extra support helping someone suffering from PTSD and are looking for a psychotherapist, please contact me for a free consultation to learn about how I can be of service.
To find out more about my services click here: PTSD Treatment. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver.
