How unsettled, sad, or angry does your child have to seem before therapy is warranted? Should you just go ahead and make an appointment? You don’t want your child to suffer. How can you know? Take a close look at your child’s behavior, listen to what he or she says about him/herself and others, notice his/her responses and what goes unsaid.
When your child runs to you from the playground, hurt or angered by another child’s taunts, you probably have a strong reaction to name-calling. If your partner crosses the line when a heated conflict gets hurtfully personal, you may want to engage in a bit of name-calling yourself. For the most part, we know what name-calling is about.
What are the four types of parenting styles and why are they important? As a parent, you hold the most important role in your child's physical, intellectual, emotional, and social development. Every word, tone, reaction, or decision has the power to greatly impact his or her life on a daily basis.
Clinical and developmental psychologist, Diana Baumrind, identified four types of parenting styles through her research and clinical studies. She narrowed the different approaches and their effects on child development, based on the factors of control and warmth. Most families will include a mix of one or more of the different types of parenting styles described here:
1. Authoritarian
Parenting Traits:· Emphasis on control· Strict rules and punishment· High expectations· May withdraw affection as punishment· Demand respect and obedience, no negotiation· Minimal communication, no explanation or reasoning
Expressions:"Because I said so""Do as I say"
Impact on child's development:· Well-behaved child· Child may develop fear or anxiety· Poor self-esteem· Submissive to authority, dependent, or develop resentment against authority in general
2. Authoritative / Democratic
Parenting Traits:· Balance between control and warmth· Strict discipline with reasoning and compassion· Engage child in conversation and understanding of consequences· Treat child with respect and kindness· Encourage child to reflect on behavior and decisions
Expressions:"Please finish your homework, we can talk about video games later" "This behavior is not acceptable, because..."
Impact on child's development:· Well behaved, accomplished· Self-reliant, good self-esteem· Emotionally healthy· Socially responsible· Feels valued and important· Good communication skills· Autonomous
3. Permissive
Parenting Traits:· Emphasis on warmth· Avoid disappointing the child· A friend more than a parent· Avoid confrontations or dislikes· No rules or demands· Child makes decisions
Expressions:"Sure, why not""Anything you want is fine with me"
Impact on child's development:· High self-esteem· Feels that rules don't apply to him or her· Egocentric tendencies· Little respect for authority· Lack of social responsibility
4. Uninvolved / Detached
Parenting Traits:· Emotionally detached· No demands on child· Limited time with child· Personal/professional needs come first· Possible neglect
Expressions:"I don't care, do what you want""I don't have time for you"
Impact on child's development:· Abandonment issues· Lack of motivation· Social detachment· Depression· Difficulties in school
Which Parenting Style Is Best? According to several studies, the authoritative (democratic) style is proven to have the most positive impact on child development. The balance between authority and understanding allows the child to learn, at an early age, the consequence of actions while surrounded with respect and affection. It promotes an environment for the child to make decisions and learn from her mistakes, while still getting the structure and supervision he needs to feel safe and protected.
In the absence of kindness and compassion (authoritarian), the child learns to obey without questioning or reasoning, and setting his or her emotions aside. On the other hand, an overly loving environment without rules (permissive) will leave the child struggling from the lack of discipline and authority.
The Uninvolved parenting style neglects both the warmth and the control a child needs to function properly in society and in life in general. This doesn't mean that every child raised in an authoritative family will end up at the top of his class, and excel in every aspects of her life, or that every child raised in a detached parenting style will quit school and resort to delinquent behavior.
Understanding these four types of parenting styles is important, but there are many variables that will affect your child's personality and actions, no matter how much you give as a parent, however, teaching by example with a compassionate, understanding and disciplined parenting style will ensure a solid foundation for your child to build upon.
If you’re looking to improve your parenting style and would like some compassionate nonjudgmental support, please reach out for a free consultation today.
