By Sandy Rayman MA, LPCC
There’s been a recent wave of social media posts bringing awareness to Autism, ADHD, and neurodivergence. This is especially common in women, BIPOC, and queer and trans folks. What’s behind the sudden shift in conversation around these topics?
With Autism in particular, I credit this explosive awareness to the fact that social media gives Autistic people a platform and a voice. (Why I use identity-first language). For many decades, the clinical picture of “what Autism looks like” was based on how it presents in young, white, middle class, male children with observable hallmark behaviors.
Girls, queer and trans kids were often passed over because they didn’t exhibit these stereotypical behaviors, while BIPOC students who weren’t passed over were likely treated with disciplinary measures rather than exploring the why behind their behaviors. Systemic racism, sexism, trans- and homophobia all show up in the public school system. Autistic people in these groups likely learned to mask from a young age to avoid being further targeted for bullying, descriminaiton, and harassment.
What is masking?
Masking is the act of consciously or unconsciously hiding Autistic behavior in social settings. This can take many forms:
- Forcing eye contact when it feels uncomfortable, or adapting by staring at a person’s forehead to mimic eye contact
- Suppressing the urge to stim or fidget
- Ignoring or dissociating from painful sensory input (lights, sounds, smells, sensations on the skin, etc)
- Constantly monitoring physical posture, movement, and gestures
- Creating social “scripts” to use in conversation, and mentally replaying social interactions over and over to try to make sense of the subtext and cues
- Studying books, movies and TV to learn how people communicate and adopting those traits
- Hiding symptoms of depression and anxiety
- Stifling the urge to talk about special interests
- Hiding meltdowns or shutdowns
- Perfectionism and overcompensation in academics
- Substance use to dull sensory sensitivity and social anxiety
Masking takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain.
It seems logical that an entire generation of masked and/or undiagnosed Autistics is now grappling with burnout as a result. Seeing their own experiences mirrored back to them on social media is giving neurodivergent adults the language to describe their experience, and the validation that their struggles are real. They have a name, and aren’t the result of any personal failing or being “too sensitive.” And it allows them to connect to a community where they don’t have to perform to neurotypical standards.
It can be a painful awakening to come to terms with being Autistic as an adult.
Looking back on your childhood and early adult experiences with this new understanding can evoke feelings of anger, grief, loss, injustice, despair, and many others. It can also allow you to extend compassion to your past self for the challenges that you may have perceived as personal shortcomings.
There are significant rates of depression, anxiety and trauma in the Autistic community. And frankly, that’s more than understandable. It’s hard to exist as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world. Suppressing your true self for years or decades due to the valid fear of ableist discrimination takes a tremendous toll on your mind, heart, and body. This is especially true if you never knew there was another way – if masking and suffering in silence was your reality since childhood.
Where to go from here?
If you’re exploring or coming to terms with being Autistic, seeing a therapist can be helpful. Autism is a disability and peoples’ support needs can vary by the hour or the day, and are unique to each Autistic person. Some Autistic folks can live independently with accomodations, others need support from family and friends, and still others may need professional assistance with cooking, shopping, driving, and other activities of daily life. I can provide help processing the grief over lost time, growing up without knowing you were Autistic.
Together, we can explore your unique experience of Autism, including your strengths and struggles, and strategize how to live the best life you can. We can create a sensory tool kit to help you cope before, during, and after challenging events or situations. The process of reclaiming stims as an adult can be deeply empowering, and allow you to self-regulate and -soothe in ways that feel good to you. We can heal the trauma you’ve endured, uproot internalized ableism, and build a path to embracing your authentic self.
If you’re interested in working together, please reach out to schedule a free 20 minute video consultation. I offer sessions virtually and in person. Please note that self-diagnosis is valid, both to me as a professional and within the Autistic community. You are the expert of your experience.
If you’d like to learn more about anxiety therapy in boulder consider checking us out. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver.
