It takes a lot of courage to be able to trust someone. You believe a person or even an institution will never do anything to hurt you. Then without warning, your trust breaks because of their betrayal. Maybe you uncovered problematic information at your job, or they laid you off. You could have told a secret to a trusted friend only for them to spill it out, or your romantic partner says they will never leave you until they do.
Betrayal trauma is the emotional impact of your experience after your trust or well-being is violated. It is most often experienced in attachment relationships, like caregivers and children, or in romantic partnerships. You have to continue to rely on the betrayer for support, care, shelter, or other basic needs. These experiences of betrayal can be so traumatic that you feel you will never want to trust anyone again.
Here is what betrayal trauma is and how to heal from it.
Causes
Betrayal trauma can come from childhood abuse. A caregiver is supposed to protect and provide, but that trust is violated when emotional, physical, and safety needs aren’t met. Adulthood trauma normally occurs with romantic partners. When a partner lies about infidelity or something significant, trust is broken. However, if you are reliant on your partner, it can cause an unhealthy cycle of dissonance, denial, or minimizing.
Another type of trauma is when a particular place betrays your trust. You could have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace only for your employers not to do anything about it. The same can be said when a school does not protect you from being bullied. These places that claim to be safe no longer are.
Impact
It can be a very difficult situation when your parent is abusive or betrays your trust, and you have to live with them. You still depend on them for all of your needs because you do not have a choice.
This is a dangerous cycle if you believe this is what caretaking is. Later in life, you can unconsciously choose partners that resemble your caregivers because it’s all you’ve known. The side effects of betrayal trauma include:
Anxiety
Depression
PTSD
Trust and relationship issues
Emotional dysregulation
Dissociation
Eating disorders
Acknowledge Your Betrayal
Healing from trauma can come from acknowledging the betrayal you experienced. When we are hurt by a person close to us and who we might even love, there is a tendency to minimize their behavior. However, it is difficult to heal from something you are unable or unwilling to recognize.
Additionally, it may help if you see healthy relationships in other families and romantic partners. It’s hard to admit you suffered betrayal trauma and even harder to imagine healthy relationships do exist, but you can gain hope by knowing trust is possible in relationships.
Write Down Your Feelings
Trauma is most powerful when feelings go unprocessed. Write down your trauma in a journal from the beginning until now. Write about the feelings associated when you think about the trauma and how it has impacted your life. You will be able to identify the emotions you experience and reflect on them as you begin the healing process.
Seek Treatment
Once you have written down in your journal your betrayal trauma, send these notes to your therapist. They will help you identify the root causes of your trauma and make a personalized coping plan for you.
No matter how hard it is to talk about your trauma, you will feel much better once you do. You have all of these feelings that are waiting to come out. Suppressing them will stress you out more and hurt you inside. If you are going to place your trust in anyone, your therapist will not let you down.
We are always here to help you. If you are looking for a therapist please contact us for for a free consultation.
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